SO GO!!
SO GO!! Wait, hold on, what do you think you will gain with that effort, that time? It will all go in vain... Nobody goes to a serpent by self, and what you are doing is nothing less. Sins for religion are different, but do you know, which is the biggest sin to attempt for yourself? What do you think working hard for something you don't wish will fetch you anything? So go and go search for your heart, and never return to the task for which you would never ask...